Australian supermarket parmesan taste test: ‘It’s a little clammy, as if it’s about to ask someone on a date’ | Australian food and drink
Many years ago when I was roughly the height of a fire hydrant, I went to a popular Italian-ish diner. They had free bread, cordial the colour of traffic cones and a policy of offering parmesan dustings at the table. The parmesan was in a jar and the texture of damp sawdust, but to me, a child barely smarter than an impressive dog, it was the best. The waiter would stand there continually sprinkling extra cheese flakes over my red sauce spaghetti while I dreamed about finally being able to eat a meal that was more parmesan than it was pasta.
I went to a similar diner as an adult, curious whether I’d still enjoy absurdly sized portions and school-camp parmesan, and the answer was an enthusiastic yes. This is the lowest grade parmesan you can imagine. I may not love it as much as a 48-month aged parmigiano reggiano but I’m not thinking about that when I eat it – I’m just feeling pleasure.
While the most expensive and the cheapest parmesan may be radically different in depth and character, they’re made of the same stuff: fat, salt, protein and umami-producing amino acids, a combination designed to trigger pleasure responses in a human body. Who am I to deny my own biology?
That’s what I was thinking about going into a blind taste test of supermarket parmesan. It was held at Marani Deli in Sydney, and I was joined by Tiffany Beer, the chair of judges for the Sydney Royal Cheese and Dairy Produce Show; Penny Lawson, professional cheese judge and owner of Penny’s Cheese Shop; Fabio Sercecchi, a sommelier and wine importer; Lucien Alperstein, a microbial ecologist who used to run a cheese club with me; and Alex Grenouiller, the owner of Marani Deli. We crumbled, sniffed and tasted 13 parmesan wedges and blocks and rated them based on aroma, texture and taste.
For the purposes of this taste test, I’m using the term parmesan to include traditional parmigiano reggiano cheeses produced under the strict “protected designation of origin” guidelines – made in Emilia-Romagna with only milk, salt and rennet – and Australian cheeses made in a similar fashion but unable to use the traditional name.
My theory, that all parmesans are delicious simply due to their makeup, is kind of true. There are bad parmesans out there but I’d argue it’s dishonest to call them parmesans at all. But that doesn’t help you choose a product. So here are some things I’ve learned.
1. Unlike almost every other product category in the supermarket I’ve taste tested, exceptionally high parmesan prices are a good indicator of deliciousness. Oddly, medium-high prices are not.
2. Australian parmesan is perfectly fine but very different to the Italian version.
3. The best parmesan cheeses are those wrapped in paper. Cheese is alive. It has an active microbiology, and like us, it sweats in plastic and ages under too much light.
Best overall
Colla Parmigiano Reggiano, 200g, $16.99 ($8.50 per 100g), available at select grocers
Score: 8/10
Imagine the inside of a parmesan wheel as a giant, complicated Lego structure. At the beginning of the cheese’s life, all the individual Lego blocks have different tastes and smells – some are milky, some are sweet and some are watery. Travelling through the Lego building is a taskforce of microbes and enzymes, hell-bent on swapping every one of the original blocks for something much more intense in flavour and aroma. Each day they throw out more of the old blocks and put in new extra-fatty, salty, flavoursome blocks. Occasionally, they might put in a rogue block too, something a bit sweet, fruity or acidic. And, like all workers, given the right conditions, they work better and faster. The taskforce working on Colla Parmigiano Reggiano has been working for 30 months in ideal conditions. It is exactly what you want a parmesan to be: delicious, complex and intense.
Zanetti Parmigiano Reggiano 30 Mesi, 200g, $19 ($9.50 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 8/10
We tried Zanetti’s 24- and 30-month cheeses. I’d be happy to have either in my fridge for the rest of my life, particularly considering Colla is harder to find. Which of the Zanetti cheeses to pick is a little more confusing. The older cheese was noticeably more savoury, intense and complex, but a little less fruity than its younger self (I hope to age in the opposite way). Those differences were enough to see the older citizen score an extra half a point. But to get that half a point of extra deliciousness, you have to pay an extra $2.50.
Best value
Perfect Italiano Parmesan Traditional, 200g, $8 ($4 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 7/10
Think of those people who have adopted puppies from a shelter, told they’re this breed or that, only to find out later, once it’s too late, the dog is something completely different. This is that experience in a cheese. Nothing in the ingredients, label or branding will tell you, but this is not a pure-breed parmesan. You will find out, only after opening, it’s more like a 50/50 cheddar/parmesan. It can still play a role in your life and make your Wednesday night meal less boring. Like a traditional parmesan, this is absolutely savoury and salty enough to achieve. Will you or your pasta care that it’s slightly buttery and a little less complex? I care more about the hundreds of dollars I’d save each year by just buying this instead of Italian cheese.
The rest
Thomas Dux Parmigiano Reggiano Over 12 Months, 250g, $14.50 ($5.80 per 100g), available at Woolworths
Score: 6.5/10
This, like all of the Italian cheeses we tried, is a parmigiano reggiano, made roughly the same way, in the same region. But unlike the most expensive varieties, this one hasn’t had the time to develop, so it’s a brief experience on the tongue and a little dull compared with the other cheeses on the list – but a dull parmesan is like getting a compliment from an annoying workmate: it still makes you feel great. Besides the cheeses I wouldn’t qualify as parmesan, all of these products are delicious, just to varying degrees.
Mil Lel Parmesan, 250g, $11 ($4.40 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 6.5/10
While almost all the Italian cheeses were big, salty, savoury, intense experiences, the Australian cheeses were much more varied. Some tasted like cheddars, others were bizarrely fruity. This is the weirdest example. One reviewer said it smells like gorgonzola, another said it had the aroma of persimmon. I thought it smelled like durian. Even though it has practically zero sugar content, my mind interpreted it as slightly sweet. It would likely enliven a pasta, but maybe not in the way you want. “Not quite what parmesan should be but I really love it,” wrote the gorgonzola commenter.
Auricchio Parmigiano Reggiano, 200g, $13.99 ($7.00 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 6.5/10
Of all the cheeses we tried, this is probably the most unsurprising and unextraordinary parmesan experience. But as parmesan is one of the great culinary inventions of our species, even a basic version is magnificent. The only reason not to buy this is the fact Zanetti is easily available at a similar price.
Coles Parmigiano Reggiano, 250g, $12.70 ($5.08 per 100g), available at Coles
Score: 6/10
I’ve tried many Coles home brand products, and this fits the model of the many – far cheaper than its competitors but not quite good enough for that to matter. For a 12-month-old parmigiano, it has a decent savoury hit but it fades faster than our nation’s interest in football following the end of the World Cup and leaves a slightly unpleasant metallic taste. It’s also a little clammy, as if it’s about to ask someone on a date. We’d probably end up watching the latest Transformers sequel together. I’d be OK with that but it’s not going to win a second date.
Westacre Dairy Parmesan Cheese Block, 200g, $6.29 ($3.15 per 100g), available at Aldi
Score: 5/10
The sole Italian reviewer on the panel refused to comment on this, leaving a solitary “N/A” on their scorecard. This, he thought, is so far from what parmigiano is, it’s not worth commenting on. The two professional cheese judges didn’t disagree. “Milky and salty. Pleasant but not parmesan,” one wrote. But like Perfect Italiano, this can still play a role in your life. I know plenty of salt-fearing households who, whether consciously or not, rely on parmesan to season their pastas and pizzas – and this would, without question, make their weekday dinner more delicious.
Perfect Italiano Parmesan Extra Sharp, 200g, $8 ($4 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 5/10
Imagine if Tame Impala released a new album with the same psychedelic aesthetic, same frontman-producer, but this time it’s emo-core, and not even a particularly good version of it. Imagine the questions everyone would ask, chiefly: why would Kevin Parker do that? He already had such a great thing going on. So why would Perfect Italiano make this? They already have Parmesan Traditional, and that’s believably a parmesan cheese. This is dense, moist and salty, like a block of reconstituted cheddar, but with a slightly bitter aftertaste. It’s savoury enough to add heft to your cooking, but it’s not making it any more delicious. If you’re brave or desperate enough to serve this on its own, expect it to be the loneliest leftover on the cheeseboard.
Symons Organic Dairy Co Organic Parmesan, 150g, $10.50 ($7 per 100g), available at select grocers
Score: 3/10
Some south-east Asian cuisines use cow bile in dressings to add a grassy bitterness. In high quantities, it can be powerfully pungent. It is not a smell I want to waft off a cheese. It’s not much better to eat – it’s wet, bitter and tastes like the ferments I’ve made but never offered to anyone. One reviewer described it as “toe jam”; one of the professional cheese judges wrote: “Horrible. Do not use or eat.” Someone who eats and thinks about cheese for a living has said this isn’t just unfit for eating, they’ve advised you not to look at it, smell it, use it as a cushion or hurl it at an enemy. It should be avoided.
