You be the judge: should my partner stop leaving the windows and doors open? | Life and style

The prosecution: Mark

Closing them doesn’t take a huge amount of work; it takes seconds and stops heat and insects getting in

My partner, Lucinda, was born in a barn – or so I joke, though honestly it doesn’t feel like a joke half the time. She leaves the doors and windows of our home open all the time. If I’m working in the living room, she will come in to speak to me, then just leave the door wide open behind her when she leaves. It drives me insane.

We live in a basement flat in Madrid, and now it’s almost summer it’s already hot and the mosquitoes are relentless. Lucinda will wander into our bedroom to do something, then leave the door open when she leaves. I’ll go into the room later and find that not only has it heated up, but it’s also full of bugs. Then we both face the consequences and get lots of bites.

The same thing goes for the windows. She will open one to air the flat and leave it open for hours. We had a rule that once dusk comes we should close the windows to keep mosquitoes out – but Lucinda always forgets. I’m constantly going around and doing it myself.

I don’t get it. Closing a door or window doesn’t take a huge amount of work; it literally takes seconds. It prevents heat and insects from getting in, and makes our lives so much easier. It feels like the obvious thing to do.

Lucinda says that keeping the windows open is an intentional choice to help cool the flat down. That still doesn’t excuse her failure to close the doors. It’s as though she’s opposed to shutting any door ever – she even pees with the bathroom door open.

Maybe there’s a metaphor in here somewhere: that she’s more open than me, more relaxed. But I’m a cranky, uptight dude who likes things to be in order in our home. Besides, this isn’t about control, it’s about comfort, practicality and consideration.

If I’m working at home and I have to constantly get up and close the door, it’s annoying. I’m often working or relaxing, and I shouldn’t have to interrupt what I’m doing just because Lucinda’s forgotten. She needs to learn to shut the door behind her.

The defence: Lucinda

Keeping them open feels more relaxed and homey – plus, it’s better for the cat

Yes, sometimes I do randomly leave doors open for no reason. I guess that’s just how my brain works. But there can be a hidden intention behind my decisions. For example, if Mark’s in the flow and I need his attention or help with something, I will come into the room and then leave the door open as I leave. It annoys him, but it signals to him that it’s time to get up. It always works.

We don’t live in some draughty old house where every open door changes the temperature of the room. We live in a hot flat so, for most of the year, leaving a door open doesn’t make a discernible difference to indoor temperatures, especially in summer. From my perspective, there’s just no need to leave every single door closed all the time.

I also prefer having all the doors open. To me it feels more open and relaxed. Closing the doors feels more formal. Mark is definitely a more “rules and routine” sort of guy. He doesn’t get why I don’t close the door when I pee or shower, but I like to feel as if we are close to one another.

Besides, we have a cat, Sammy, who doesn’t like it when we close the doors on her. Leaving the windows open is also good for her so she can get in and out of the apartment.

We’ve just moved into this flat. Before that, we were on the top floor, so we kept the windows closed to prevent Sammy from falling out. I get that we don’t want mosquitoes, but I feel like I’m being practical when it comes to our cat. Or at least that’s how I defend it when he asks me why the windows have been left open all day.

I think Mark is still finding his feet in our new flat, but living with the doors open is more homey than closing them. Life isn’t that rigid. Sometimes you’re moving between rooms, carrying things, thinking about something else. It’s not always top of my mind to close a door behind me every time.

It’s not about being careless or inconsiderate, it’s just a different way of thinking. I’m thinking ahead. Mark’s stuck in the moment.

The jury of Guardian readers

I am not surprised that Lucinda has resorted to passive-aggressive door-based game-playing in the face of Mark’s self-confessed crankiness.
Lucy, 33

Imagine deliberately irritating a person to make them behave a certain way because you think you know what’s best for them! That is just wrong. All cat owners know the “no doors closed” rule, but it isn’t cosy to have a flat full of mosquitoes. Learn to compromise.
Catherine, 43

As someone who has spent time living in a hot, mosquito-filled country, I agree that any windows opened during the day should be shut at night to prevent them coming in unless you have effective screens. As for the doors, this is less important, but I am against passive aggressive door-opening to force someone to get up when working.
Sara, 30

Mark needs to chill out. Get bug nets for the windows and ask Lucinda to stay out of the room while he’s working. He says it’s not a big deal to close a door, but is also complaining about doing it. Maybe they could compromise on closing the bathroom door and let the others go.
Sarah, 42

Mark is right. Lucinda should close the doors and windows to keep the bugs out. She should also stop resorting to passive aggression.
Emanuel, 56

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Lucinda’s plans go out the window?

The poll closes on Wednesday 20 May at 9am BST

Last week’s results

We asked if Ronnie should stop using his flatmate’s details to sign up for free trials.

99% of you said yes – Ronnie is guilty

1% of you said no – Ronnie is innocent